Man-ist

ARE YOU A MISOGYNIST?

I’m not a misogynist. I’m a man-ist.

 

WHO’S CALLING YOU A MISOGYNIST?

For the most part, people on social media. Nobody says anything to my face anymore.  My conversations and Facebook statuses give people the impression that I’m a misogynist. What have I been saying?

Black men don’t cheat.

Ladies, you know how to GET a man but how do/would you keep a man?

Monogamy isn’t natural. It’s in a man’s nature to spread his seed.

God gave men the ability to rapidly reproduce.  The world’s female to male ratio is 4 to 1. God doesn’t make mistakes.

As a man, I have to work for you to be attracted to me. I have to have something about me that draws you.

I’ve reposted articles, statuses, and videos that gave, what I felt is, an honest male perspective and explained differences between the minds of men and women. More often than not, I’d receive 1 of 3 replies from women:

  1. Who hurt you?
  2. Women can ___________ too.
  3. Are you sure you’re not gay?

None of these bothered me. One, everybody has been hurt by somebody. Men hold onto their hurt longer than women. Two, I’m not gay. Three, I believe that women can do anything that they want, however, there are fundamental differences between the sexes.

When I discuss male-female interactions, I accept that men have flaws and we act in ways that hurt women. The labels come when I start telling women how their actions negatively impact men. Let’s just say that replies are rarely, “Hmm. I see your point.” My logic combined with my verbal abilities tend to provoke the emotions of many women and there is when I get the 3 replies.

DO YOU HATE WOMEN?

Not at all. I love women. Some of my favorite people are women. My mother is a woman. I’m a very objective person and have difficulties dealing with emotions. That’s where the clash happens.

WHY DO YOU PISS PEOPLE OFF?

Rarely is my goal to actually upset someone. People who know me understand that I’m harmless and mean no malicious intent. It just so happens that my views differ from societal norms and I challenge people to think outside of the norm. I don’t always do it to change people’s minds. I do it to learn for myself…if you can beat my logic of course.

WHERE DOES YOUR PERSPECTIVE COME FROM? 

My perspective comes from life experiences, on the inside and the outside. I’ve been actively dating since I was 17. I’ve been played, used, and mentally abused. And again, who hasn’t? I’ve taken those experiences and learned to look for warning signs and patterns. Also, from 21-26 I was single (I had “relationships” but they weren’t going far and we knew it). During that period, I was able to look at dating from the outside. I was able to look at relationships objectively because, frankly, they weren’t my relationships. I still dated but nothing serious. I learned from that as well.

SIMPLY, WHAT IS YOUR PERSPECTIVE?

  1. Monogamy isn’t natural but it’s not impossible. Infidelity has been apart of the world since the beginning of time. It’s not going anywhere and I think it’s pointless to fight it AND get upset about it.
  2. Women want double standards when it’s convenient. Men act like the double standards are laws.
  3. The communication between men and women needs to improve. People talk and people listen but the understanding is missing.
  4. Couples should never take monogamy for granted. They should have an honest discussion in the beginning of the relationship about their sex drives AND their expectations of one another.
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A Near Death Experience and Life-Saving Advice

I love hoodrats. I like a phat butt. I love chocolate skin. I love a big smile. That’s been true for as long as I can remember. When I was 16, I met a girl on CrushSpot(#tbt) who was all of that. She was A stream of body shots and videos of her twerking(before mainstream) and hip-rolling(YouTube clip), she went to another high school close to me so I definitely hit her up.

We started sending messages back and forth. We were attracted so we met and then had a relationship. By relationship, I mean we talked on the phone everyday since neither of us had a ride or took the bus anywhere. It’s the kind of relationship you have when you’re sheltered. 

However one day, I decided to take the bus to her house. It was fifteen below zero outside and DPS shut down schools for the day. I’d already been up because we had early morning football workouts before they cancelled classes(DPS was always last to announce school closings). My dad left work to pick me up and take me home. Since I’d already left the house, I’d already felt the temperature. It wasn’t that cold to me. She called me and said that her parents went to work and it was on. A teenage boy will scuff his J’s if it means he’s about to get some.

When I get there, her brother is home with his girlfriend. He was also a hoodrat: 18, struggling to get out of 11th grade, had a few fights, had some burglaries, etc. But he was a funny dude. I remember once e had no shame dropping his pants to show an entire room of people the spider bite on his leg. His girlfriend, was a big-un. She was short and round but cool. She seemed to have more sense than the two, but not much. She was cool to me though. 

After spending some time in the living room with them, my girlfriend takes me upstairs to her room, her brother’s room right next door separated by drywall. We start doing our thing. She’s fairly quiet seeing as how her brother was home and I was fairly new to the act myself(he was only my second partner although she thought she was my first). About one minute into it, we hear the floor and her brother’s girlfriend walks in and yells, “Oh my God!” and walks back out. Although slightly startled, I expected that to be the end of it so I kept going. Within 30 seconds, we hear the floor again. With me still on top of her, her brother walks in and my heart(but surprisingly not me erection) dropped. 

He has a confused look on his face and out of nowhere, he starts laughing like it was a clever knock-knock joke. He walks out shortly after.

 I look at my girl, “I thought he was going to kill me.” She replies, “I thought he was too.” Just like horny teens do, we kept going and almost IMMEDIATELY we hear the floor again. I thought for sure that I was dead then. But the brother’s girlfriend walks in and sits on the bed next to us. I don’t know what this girl knew or didn’t but she just started talking.

You don’t have to do anything if you don’t like it. If he’s hurting you, let him know. And make sure you’re always using condoms. And even if you have one on, he should still pull out.

She leaves the room and by this time, they’ve killed the mood. And as we were sitting in bed talking about the last 6 and a half minutes of our lives, we hear her brother’s girlfriend in the next room having a Janet Jacme-esqe performance. She’s snacking the walls, yelling his name, and he’s smacking her somewhere(Idk, everybody likes something different). My girl and I look at each other with wide eyes and disgust. I put on my clothes, we chilled in the living room for a bit and I left. 

The “relationship” didn’t last on account of her being a hoodrat. It was a nasty break-up and we didn’t speak for months. Ironically, I almost died a second time when going to see her later I crashed my mom’s car. 

I listened to God and left her alone. I stopped dating hoodrats. I started dating only skinny dark-skinned girls. And to the day, I still pull out with a condom on.

MDA: Alley-Oop

I’m old enough and I should know better. But this happened within the last year:

Last Christmas, I flew home to Detroit. When I arrived at baggage claim, I saw a guy I went to high school with who was living in Houston at the time. As we were catching up, our conversation was interrupted by a young lady with sexy lips and awesome cleavage. I don’t remember what she said(and frankly, it didn’t matter) but by the end of the conversation, we exchanged numbers. We’ll call her Erica.

Erica was from Detroit and a couple of years older than me. She was a bartender and had been for some years but was looking for other opportunities so that her 10 year old daughter could live with her. At the time, I was in a relationship and, while unhappy, I was still trying to do the right thing. I kept the relationship platonic AKA I hit her up every once in a while to make sure she still knew who I was just in case.

I took control of my life in May and broke up with my girlfriend. One day, Erica hit me up and in our conversation I told her that I was only looking for a cut buddy situation. This was a huge step for me as I had never been one to tell a woman exactly what I wanted, especially if it was just sex. She proceeded to SNAP on me saying that she was sick of guys only wanting sex, blah blah blah. I was able to talk her down and asked her to go to dinner with me. She wanted to go to Grand Lux(family restaurant of Cheesecake Factory. Yea, she was bad and boujee). 

I arrived first as the rain poured and I treated her like the gentleman I am. I grabbed my umbrella and walked her from her car to the inside. We sat down and had a helluva time. I bought the food. She paid for all of the alcohol. We arrived at 4 and didn’t leave until 7:30. Erica and I both said that we were surprised at how the night was going. We had some common interest, none of which I can remember right now. But I do remember two things she said to me: she was moving to Austin soon & that she likes sex(like REALLY likes sex). I tried my best not to mark out (get over-excited for my non-wrestling fans). After we got tired of sitting at Grand Lux, she asked if I wanted to see some live music. Some guys she knew were in a band. 

We drove separately to this hole in the wall joint on the south side of Houston(we both lived North). She spoke to who she knew and the good time continued. She had at least 4 vodka cocktails on top of the 3 glasses of wine at the restaurant(TANK STATUS). She bought me drinks too. We danced(ikr. Me. Dancing) and you probably would’ve sworn we were a couple as we were caked up on the dance floor.

The band finishes and as you would imagine, she is HAMMERED. We walk out arm-in-arm and we get ready to go our separate ways when she says, “Ooo I don’t know if I’ll be able to make it back home.” Now what I should have said was, “You shouldn’t drive like this. I’ll take you home.” But what MY DUMB AZZ said was, “Well, be careful and let me know when you make to your destination.”

I called her as she was driving home to make sure she was okay. I was oblivious to what just happened. I asked when I’d see her again and she told me she was moving within the week and that chances are I wouldn’t be able to. 

I learned a lot about myself that night.

Shame. Damn shame.

MY DUMB AZZ: I’m So Slow

In 2012, college was coming to a close for me and in line with the longstanding tradition, I went to the hottest(it’s Montgomery) club(near the school) in town! The club was always packed and although dorms were cleared the day prior, every one was there. I’d just become single and was ready to be free.

My entire senior year, I noticed a freshman young lady and not because I thought she was cute(which she kinda was) but because she had a peculiar look. She was an athlete so I hardly ran into her. I didn’t think much of it. With the 8-12:1 female to male ratio, I tried my chances with other women. 

Back to 2012, I was in the club sitting against the wall and people I knew would congratulate me on graduating. One person was a former teammate of mine from Quiz Bowl. He heard about me being single and pulled this girl over and said “Have you met Ronarro? He’s graduating next week.” 

We exchanged pleasantries and she said it was a shame that I was graduating and that we could have fun. I agreed and I noticed her tilting her head at me. She kept standing there and I’m like “Is she gonna leave or…?” By the third time she nodded I noticed a light coming from her mouth…her tongue was out…revealing her tongue ring.

Instead of immediately getting her number, MY DUMB AZZ said “Oh that’s cool…it was nice to meet you.” And she walked away. 

I thought about that situation a lot. I missed out on a really good story.

MY DUMB AZZ: I was so close…

In high school, this one young lady caught my attention almost as soon as I met her. The only issue was that I was 2 years ahead of her and ready to graduate. She was cute and quiet. I talked a lot so I thought it balanced out. She gave me her number and I didn’t hit her up until her senior year of high school. But we hit it off.

I moved home after I graduated college and she was a college junior going to school close to Detroit. I decided to make my move. I decided to take her ice skating, which she’d never been. So while we were ice skating, I was showing that I could protect her from harm(fellas, take note). She enjoyed herself. 

She went back to school about a week later and I wanted to go to a restaurant in that area. I called and asked her on a date and she obliged. I drove ONE AND A HALF HOURS to pick her up. We went to the restaurant and had a great time. She seemed comfortable but because of her aloof and dry personality, I couldn’t tell. 

So when I took her home, we pulled up to her place and I used the old line, “Can I use your bathroom?” And it worked! She said ‘yes’ and I went up, used her bathroom, and kicked it for a minute. I was sitting on the floor first, then moved to sitting on her bed. We were talking and then she hit me with “I’m going to bed. Let me know when you make it home.”

Driving home, I was wondering what went wrong. I hadn’t done anyhing unusual, I thought. But I shrugged it off. I moved from Detroit shortly after.

One night on IG, I posted a “TBH” picture and she decided to DM me. She told me, “The night you were in my apartment, I was ready to let you spend the night. Then I saw your legs swinging from the edge of the bed and I got turned off.”

That bed was raised 4 feet off of the ground. I guess that I was supposed to have 4 foot shins. 

Lesson: If you’re short, keep you’re feet on the floor. MY DUMB AZZ didn’t think it was a big deal.

MY DUMB AZZ: The Olympian

Coming to Texas, my goal was to become a teacher. I researched online and found an program for alternative certification that required me taking online courses as well as attend classes in-person. The class was held in one room with 200 people and, as you could imagine, mostly women.

I’d just got to Texas and, at the time, I was riding the struggle bus, no job, while sleeping on my brother’s floor. In fact, I borrowed the money for the classes down payment from family(very supportive, thank God). My focus was getting that certification and bettering myself. And besides, I had no money nor place of my own so I didn’t think I had any juice to pull a woman.

 I was studying while reading The 50th Law by Robert Green, a book that speaks about being fearless in all that you do. The book had a huge impact on me and some insecurities I had at the time. 

I noticed one young woman(I mean, I noticed plenty of women there) who came every day in a hat and large hoop earrings. She had big, bright eyes, and some juicy lips. She looked to be in athletic shape(my favorite type of woman, ie my undying love for Serena Williams). I didn’t talk to her because of insecurities and her Resting B**ch Face. She also didn’t sit at my table and many guys in there had commented on how badd she was. I really didn’t know what to say.

The day before the last class, I’d finished The 50th Law and felt motivated to go out and be fearless. I decided to talk to her. After class, I approached her and, in my typical fashion, made conversation on her looking unapproachable in class. She laughed, said she was nice. We had a bit of small talk and then:

“Do you have a boyfriend?” I asked.

She says, “Yeah, but I’m mad at him right now.”

“Oh really? Well can I get your number?”

She replied, “No but you can follow me on Instagram.”

She gave me her IG, and I followed her. When she followed me back, I opened her page to see things like “_____ National Team”, “Team _____”, and all of the events she participated in. I decided to hit her in the DMs.

What I should’ve said was “Are you still mad at your boyfriend?(winky face emoji)” but MY DUMB AZZ fan-boyed like none other, “Oh wow! You run?? I would’ve never guessed! That’s so cool!” I actually ended up asking about the boyfriend later and she said they made up.

This was Fall 2014. Fast-forward to 2016 and I’m still following her on IG. She’d been talking about training and getting ready for Rio. Recently, she posted pictures of her and the team in Rio for this year’s Olympics. My jaw dropped. My dream of being with a professional athlete thwarted by my own doing. (I’d like to think it’s because I didn’t have the resources to pull it off. That’s what keeps me from feeling REALLY bad.)

Beside the statute of limitation with her probably being up, I can’t touch her when she gets back. Not tryna catch Zika.

What’s He Thinking? #1

Believe it or not, people actually ask me for advice on dating, their significant others, and other situations. I don’t think I say anything profound. I just tell it like it is. Here are a couple questions recently asked:

Q: I’m at work and this guy I met asked me out to lunch. I don’t dress up for work. I’m nervous to tell him ‘yes.’ I really like this guy and I want him to like me. Should I go to lunch with him?

A: AB-SO-FREAKIN’-LUTELY! I can’t understand why women get so worried about their appearance with men. It’s like women forget all of the men who approach them while they’re pumping gas or at the grocery store in sweats or pajama pants. Your work attire is apart of who you are. A man accepts the fact that you won’t always slay. Actually, we welcome it. Seeing women looking different actually gives us a bit of relief. It’s like having multiple girlfriends. So yes, go out with him even if you don’t FEEL like you look your best. If he really likes you, he won’t care.

Q: Why would guys get into relationships if they’re going to cheat? If you’re going to cheat, you might as well stay single.

A: Of all questions women ask, I hate this one the most. One, there’s no one definition of cheating. It depends on the relationship. Two, women don’t understand that to men there is a difference between love and sex. Have you ever heard the saying “Women have sex to say ‘I love you’ and Men say ‘I love you’ to have sex?” Just because a man has sex with another woman doesn’t mean that the relationship means anything less. In a man’s mind, sex and love have nothing to do with one another. If he decides to be in a relationship with you, it’s because he sees himself being with you long-term. It’s about more than having sex with you. So if he ONLY has sex with another woman it’s just sex. We won’t allow just ANY woman to take up our time, see us cry, or even drive our car. Sex with another woman is just for ego. It is usually FAR from emotional.