Recently, an former high school classmate asked me for some advice on her relationship.
She asked, “If you’ve been with someone for three years and you both claim that you love and cannot live without each other, and you propose to that person and they say ‘no’, does that mean the relationship is over?” The simple answer is “No.” The only times a relationship should end like that is if: A) You’ve been together so long you might as well be married or B) She’s older and her biological clock depends on it.
In this particular situation, they’d been together for 3 years and she felt her woman-clock ticking. SHE–Yes, SHE– proposed to him. At one point, this was a common video to see on social media. And while some of these men said ‘yes’ to their future wifebands, there was much scrutiny amongst men. It IS a different approach by our society’s standards. And yes, sometimes you have to go for what you want.
But I know women who want men to be “men” and part of being a man is readying ourselves for that commitment. If he’s not ready, then he’s not ready. You can’t make him.
Men’s decision to commit is a much more logical process than emotional. One of my favorite comedians, the late Patrice O’Neal had a joke where he said that his girl has been with him for 3 years and he’s been with her for about 8 months. That’s not to say she’s crazy and he finally decided to settle because she made. Women fall in love before men do. His decision to “be with” her came after tests and trials. Like women test their men, men test their women.
After we’ve decided we want to be with you, we have to look at some other circumstances. In most cases, women want their men to be providers and protectors and men will wait until they have a grasp of their finances before they marry. And even that includes buying an engagement ring. Let’s see what we often spend: whatever dating costs, engagement ring, wedding, reception, marriage license, and somewhere to live. It doesn’t happen over night.
So what happens if he isn’t ready? Well, that’s hard to say. Few thrive and push through it. Others become unhappy. The divorce rate is 50% and many can be traced to unhappiness. If you force ANYONE into a situation they don’t want to be in or not ready for, the results can be detrimental to the relationship.
If you love each other and he’s not moving fast enough for you, take a step back and evaluate the situation. Men know you want to take the relationship to the next level. Men know that your biological clock is ticking. But the relationship is a two-way street. He has to be ready too.
And if you can’t wait, don’t. There’s nothing worse than being with a woman who tries to force commitment onto you.